In this summary, you’ll learn six methods to make people like you.
These methods: greeting, building rapport, an art of synchronizing, the door of communication, reading the eyes ball and sensory preference.
Learning and practicing even anyone’s skills will make you a champion in making new friends. These skills help you to talk to anyone, even help you to break the eyes with the stranger.
So why not invest your time in learning these methods. Because people who connect, live longer, feel safe, and get cooperation from other people.
How to avoid looking stupid in the first Interaction, The Greeting.
In this, you’ll learn how to break the eyes when you are speaking with the stranger. I’ll teach you how to connect with people. It’s a three steps process to connect with anyone, anywhere.
2. Establishing rapport.
But, the problem is the three stages happen quickly and mix with each other. Thus, reduce the chance of creating connections with others.
The book helps you to execute them as naturally as possible. Once you make the right impression during the first few seconds of a meeting. You will create awareness that you are a sincere, safe and trustworthy person to talk.
The first few seconds of connection is greeting, greeting breaks down into five parts: Open, Eye, Beam, Hi, and Lean.
The first part of the greeting is to open your attitude and body language. Keep your heart parallel to the person you are talking with. Don’t try to hide your heart with hands.
The second part of the greeting is to connect your eyes with the partner. Look your partner directly in her eyes.
Be the first person to smile. As smile will help you to reflect your attitude.
Greet your partner. You can say either Hi or Hello. Deliver the greeting with a pleasant tone and attach your name. Introduce yourself with a curve of a smile on your face and appealing eye contact.
Then, take the lead, extend your hand towards your new friend. If convenient find a way to say her name two or three times during the conversation.
The Final part of the greeting is to tilt your head towards your new friend. As it’ll indicate you are open and interested to talk.
Once you introduce yourself the next step is to build rapport. Rapport is the foundation of the common ground. A comfort zone where you can talk for hours without getting boor.
How you can Building Rapport Almost Instantly.
Establishing rapport helps you to get a date, make sales or came out of traffic.
Sometimes you establish rapport naturally. But other times no matter how hard you try, you can’t connect with another person. And if you don’t establish rapport you won’t connect.
You can establish rapport in two ways. Either by chance or by design.
Rapport by Chance.
Example: Rapport by chance can come into action when you travel abroad to a country where people don’t speak your language and you don’t understand theirs.
You begin to feel uncomfortable but suddenly you meet a person from your own country.
This person speaks your language and wow you have a new best friend. All this happens because you share the same language. This is rapport by chance.
Rapport establishes when the interest of two people matches. But when you don’t find the common interest. Then, you can establish rapport by design.
Rapport by Design.
In rapport by design, you need to reduce the difference between you and your partner. And, you can do this, by finding common ground.
What Is Synchronizing and How to master it?
You’ll learn your life experience through the guidance of your parents, friends, teachers, and coaches.
You might not know, but you’ll make minute changes in your behavior to connect with each other. First, you process the signal unconsciously and then send it to each other through emotions.
But when you know the trick, you can take the shortcut to build the rapport manually. With the trick, you can speed up the process to make people like you.
In this, you need to synchronize the behavior of your partner. Synchronizing occurs when the body moment of two-person matches with each other.
With this, you will make another person feel relax, open and cheerful.
But synchronizing body language is of two kinds: matching, and mirroring.
In this technique, you’ll not use the exact words of another person is using. Instead, use similar words to convey meaning.
Mirroring is a persuasion technique in which one person unconsciously repeat the gesture, speech pattern, words, and attitude of another person. It’s used in everyday interaction.
To use the trick effectively, you need to pay close attention to the person you’re dealing with. It requires you to listen and watch carefully your partner.
Example: Sam and Julia doing a conversation in a coffee shop. Now, if Julia moves her one hand, Sam also moves his hand.
You think that Julia will notice. She won’t notice until you make the behavior obvious.
Instead, your moment should be subtle and slow. But when you encounter a difficult person. You should ask, Do I need to deal with this person?
If the answer is no, then, leave it.
But if the answer is yes. Then, in this case, you need to synchronize in a non-threatening way.
Sky-Rocket Your Conversation With Open Questions.
It’s easy to get information from the stranger. But, it doesn’t mean asking someone credit card number.
Everybody is eager to talk if you request properly. The goal is to find the topic your partner is interested in.
Here you’ll search for a common interest. Once you know, you can ask questions to fuel your conversation.
You should know two kinds of questions.
1. Open Questions.
2. Close Questions.
Open questions, open the door of friendship and fuel the conversation. In this, you request an explanation, thus encourage your partner to speak.
Open questions start with the word: who, when, what, why, where, and how.
However, close questions, close the door of friendship. In close questions, you’ll get an answer in one word.
The Unfortunate Truth About Attitude.
Your mind, as well as your body, are the part of the same system. They influence each other. When you’re happy, you look happy, sound happy and use cheerful words.
However, your attitude can alter thoughts, body language, facial expression, and voice tone.
Once your mind is set into a particular attitude. Then, you’ll have very little conscious control over the signal your body delivers.
Attitude can be divide into two parts: Useful Attitude and Useless Attitude. Two people can have a different attitude on the same set of circumstances.
Example: One day when you get up in the morning and see it is raining outside.
You can translate the experience into two kinds.
An individual with a negative attitude might say, the day is lousy. However, a person with a positive attitude will say free car wash.
On the same circumstance, some people excellent at spotting problem while other spotting opportunities. It all depends on attitude.
You should know what you want from your communication.
Because useless attitude comes from, when you do not know what you want. Once you know what you want, you can alter your body language, posture, facial expression, that help you to get it.
Suggested Reading: Attitude is Everything Summary.
Details Guide Of Sensory Preference.
You capture information through senses. Every day, you experience the world through your senses and then, convert it into words.
However, you can use three styles to explain your experience: Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Visual.
Example: Visual people prefer picture words. Auditory choose sound words and kinesthetic prefer physical words.
But the problem is no one is totally auditory, kinesthetic and visual. You’re the mixture of all three. Yet, in every person, one dominates the other two senses. Take a self-test and you’ll know your sense, you rely on.
Benefit Of knowing prefer sense.
Example: When two visual people meet, they are familiar with each other.
Because they experience the world in the same way.
But if the person you see, hear and feel the world in a different way than yours. Then, you need to recognize her sensory preference so you can connect with her.
The initial signal of Body language.
In this, you’ll learn the initial signal body deliver during a conversation. You can even use signals to establish rapport.
No matter if your friend is auditory, kinesthetic and visual. She’ll always deliver body signals. It’s up to you how you catch the signal.
However, there is no hard and fast rule.
But you can rely on indicators to understand which sense your friend is preferring.
A depth study of Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Visual People.
Download the PDF guide of Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Visual words.
- Visual people talk very fast.
- While speaking with visual people, he will look left and right.
- Visual people care about their appearance and aim for trim and tidy.
- Auditory people talk neither fast nor slow.
- These people response emotionally to the quality of sound.
- Auditory people think they are fashionable.
- Kinesthetic people speak slow. Above all, while delivering any information. They add all sorts of unnecessary information. Because it takes time for them to put feelings into words.
- During the conversation with kinesthetic people, they will look down towards their feelings to feel them.
Reading the eyeballs.
Human eyeball is a six ways switch that flicks into one position to deliver information.
Each position activates a sense. Some position helps you to remember while others help you to create an answer.
When you ask a question to your friend.
Then, the chances are that your partner will take his eyeballs towards his left or right to generate an answer. The reason is simple, they are accessing their sense.
Example: When you ask your friend to tell the favorite color of his shirt.
He’ll move his eyeball towards left so he can picture the shirt, before going to answer.
A little practice helps you. Once you understand the sensory preference your new friend belongs to. You can communicate effectively with him.
At Last: Here are my favorite Quotes from this book.
- A simple formula for striking up a conversation: Begin with a statement about the location or occasion, then ask an open question. ― Nicholas Boothman.
- Stay open to opportunity, you never know where your next important connection will be made. ― Nicholas Boothman.
- Other people can also help you take care of your needs and desires. Whatever. ― Nicholas Boothman.
- The mind delights in making connections. ― Nicholas Boothman.
- As I met more and more people, I soon figured out it is not what you think, it is the way that you think it; it is not what you say, it is the way that you say it; and it is not what you do, it is the way that you do it. ― Nicholas Boothman.
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Above article is the extract version of the book “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” written by Nicholas Boothman.