Going through the book How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds by Nicholas Boothman. You will learn the six concepts to make people like you. These concepts are Art of synchronizing, Difference between open and closed body language, greeting, open and close question, building rapport, and sensory preference.
Improving any one area can boost your ability to communicate effectively. So why not invest some time in learning these techniques. Because people who connect, live longer, feel safe, and get cooperation from other people.
Make people like you in 90 seconds teaches you three part of connecting with people: meeting, establishing rapport, and communicating. But the problem is these three aspects happen quickly and mix with each other. Thus, reduce the chance of building rapport. Through this book, you will learn how to execute them as natural as possible.
Once you make the right impression during the first few seconds of a meeting. You will create awareness that you are sincere, safe and trustworthy. We call the first few seconds of connection: Greeting. It breaks down into five parts: Open, Eye, Beam, Hi, and Lean.
Open: The first part of greeting is to open your attitude and body language. Keep your heart aim at the person you are speaking with. Do not cover your heart with your hands.
Eye: Be the first with eye contact. Look your speaker directly into her eyes.
Beam: Be the first to smile. Let your smile reflect your attitude.
Hi: Either Hi! Or Hello! say it with a pleasant tone and attach your name ( Hi! I am Rahul). Be the first to introduce yourself with the smile and eye contact. Then, take the lead, extend your hand towards your peer. If convenient find a way to say her name two or three times.
Lean: Final part is to tilt your head towards your peer. This indicates you are open and interested.
After introducing yourself the next step is to build rapport. Rapport is the foundation of the common ground. A comfort zone where two or more people can mentally join together.
Building Rapport by Design.
Establishing rapport help you to get a date, make sales or wiggle out of traffic. Sometimes you establish rapport naturally. But other time no matter how hard you try, you cannot seem to connect with another person. And if you do not establish rapport you will not connect. There are two ways to establish rapport: Rapport by chance and Rapport by design.
Example: You travel abroad to a country where people do not speak your language and you do not understand theirs. You begins to feel uncomfortable but suddenly you meet a person from your own country. This person speaks your language and wow you have a new best friend. All this happens because you share the same language. This is rapport by chance.
Rapport establishes when the interest of two or more people coincides. But when you do not find the common interest. Then there is a way to establish rapport by design. In establishing rapport by design, we reduce the difference between another person and ourself by finding a common ground. When this happens we feel a natural connection with the person.
Synchronizing body language.
We learn our life experience through the guidance of our parents, peers, teachers, and coaches. We influence each other behavior by making minute change in our behavior so that we can connect with them. We process the signal unconsciously and send them to each other through emotions. But when we know the tricks so why we wait for rapport to build naturally. With the use of tricks, you can speed up the process to make people like you.
Building rapport by design is the process of Synchronize behavior so that another person feel relax, open, and happy. Synchronizing body language is of two kinds: matching, and mirroring.
Matching: Doing the same thing as another person is doing.
Mirroring: Doing as if you are watching another person in a mirror. If she moves his left hand then you move your right.
You might think that another person will notice. Actually, she will not until you make the behavior obvious. Your moment should be subtle and slow.
But when you encounter with a difficult person. You should ask “Do I need to deal with this person?” If the answer is no then leave it. But if the answer is yes. Ask what you want from this communication. A word of cautions when synchronizing with a difficult person. You should do in a non-threatening way. Once you match your body language, you can lead them out.
The door of communication.
It is easy to get information from strangers. It does not mean asking someone credit card number. But, learning the another person name, interest. Because everybody is eager to share the words. If you request in a proper way. The goal is to get another person talking. So you can find out what matters to her. Here you will search for a common interest. Once you know, you can begin asking open questions to fuel your conversation.
You should know there are two kinds of question. One that opens the door of friendship and fuel conversation and another that closes the door of friendship. Open questions request an explanation thus encourage a speaker to speak. While asking close questions, you will get an answer with one word either yes or no.
Open questions begin with who, when, what, why, where, and how. These questions assist you to build rapport as it encourages the speaker to speak, while close questions include words: to be, to do, and to have.
Alter your attitude.
Your mind, as well as your body, are the part of the same system. They influence each other. When you are happy, you look happy, sound happy and use happy words. Because attitude has the ability to alter thoughts, body language, facial expression, and voice tone. Once your mind is set into a particular attitude. You will have very little conscious control over the signal your body broadcast.
Attitude can be divide into two parts: Useful Attitude and Useless Attitude. Two people can have a different attitude on the same set of experience.
Example: One day when you get up in the morning and see it is raining outside. You will translate this experience into two kinds. An individual with a negative attitude might say, the day is lousy. However, a person with a positive attitude will say free car wash. On the same circumstance, some people good at spotting problem while other spotting opportunities. It all depends on attitude.
You should know what you want from your communication. Because useless attitude comes from, when you do not know what you want. Once you know what you want, you can alter your body language, posture, facial expression, that help you to get it.
Suggested Reading: Attitude is Everything.
We gain information through our senses. Then convert it into words. Every day we experience the world through our senses and then explain our experience to our peer. However, there are three styles of explaining our experience: Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Visual depending upon how you filter information.
Example: Visual people prefer picture words. Auditory choose sound words and kinesthetic prefer physical words.
But the problem is no one is totally auditory, kinesthetic and visual. We are a mixture of all three. Yet, in every person, one dominates the other two senses. Take a self-test and you will know your sense, you rely on.
Benefit Of knowing prefer sense.
Example: When two visual people meet, they are familiar with each other. Because they experience the world in the same way. But if the person you meet see, hear, and feels the world in a different way from yours. Then, you need to recognize her wavelength so that you can connect with her.
The initial signal of Body language.
In this, we will talk about the initial signal people broadcast during a conversation. You can use these signal to establish rapport. No matter if your peer is auditory, kinesthetic, and visual. She will always broadcast signals. It is up to you how you pick them up. However, there is no hard and fast rule. These are indicators to understand which sense your peer prefer the most.
A depth study of Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Visual People.
- Visual people talk very fast.
- While speaking with visual people, he will look left and right.
- Visual people care about their appearance and aim for trim and tidy.
- Auditory people talk neither fast nor slow.
- These people response emotionally to the quality of sound.
- Auditory people think they are fashionable.
- Kinesthetic people speak slow. Above all, while delivering any information. They add all sorts of unnecessary information. Because it takes time for them to put feelings into words.
- During the conversation with kinesthetic people, they will look down towards their feelings to feel them.
Reading the eyeballs.
You can understand this as a human eyeball is a six-way switch that flicks into one position to deliver information. Each position activates a sense, sometimes to remember, sometimes to create an answer. When you ask a question. Then, there are chances that another person will take his eyeballs towards their left or right to generate an answer. The reason is simple, they are accessing their sense.
Example: When you ask your peer to tell the favorite color of his shirt. He will move his eyeball towards left so that he can picture the shirt, before going to five an answer. A little practice helps you reading these moments. Once you understand the sense of new peer belongs to. You can communicate effectively with him on an appropriate wavelength.
Above article is the extract version of the book “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” written by Nicholas Boothman.