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Leadership and Self Deception Summary

Leadership And Self-Deception

Simple Short Summary: Leadership and Self-Deception shares the concept in the metaphor of “being in the box and getting out of it” which means you draw a mental boundary to secure yourself from the outside world and validate your actions.

Leadership and Self Deception Summary

(Reading time: 4 minutes)

In this book, Leadership and Self Deception, you will learn three lessons:

Lesson: A – you are deceiving yourself when you overlook other people needs

Lesson: B – Ignoring your natural intuition can enter you in self-deception mode

Lesson: C – Self-deception spread like a virus and strengthen self-deception in others

Lesson: A – you are deceiving yourself when you overlook other people needs

While socializing with each other, you think people around you’ll treat you with dignity and respect, but many people forget this idea. Since others think that their needs and wants are far more essential than yours.

For example, suppose you’re on a train, and the next seat is vacant. Rather than offering your seat to others, you think that no one would sit on it so that you might have more space.

As your sense of priority wants to see you at the top and prevents others to come as equal as you, you weigh your comfort far more than other’s needs which convey that you see other travelers as merely a threat to your comfort.
This thinking pattern names “being in the box” or “self-deception” which means that you don’t care about people and see them with little importance. So, when you deceive yourself, you get stuck in a box that will deform your views towards the world.

With this deformed worldview, you amplify your qualities that won’t only hurt you but also deceive you. For example, believing that you’re more intelligent, you wouldn’t treat others who teach you something with dignity and respect.

Exaggerating thinking like this’ll prevent you from acquiring depth knowledge. Moreover, you’ll hamper your learning experience which truncates the values that make you superior to others.

Even, this exaggerating thinking isn’t self-reliant. It means you’ve to provide reasons and self-justification to support your worldview so that you can prevent it from collapsing.

Self-justification will sustain your deformed worldview but impact negatively on your personality. With this, you’ll become one who blames others. In fact, you actively highlight faults and flaws in others to justify inferior views.

Read: Manage Your Day to Day Summary

Lesson: B – Ignoring your natural intuition can enter you in self-deception mode

Ignoring your wish to help others, you fool yourself and entered in self-deception mode.

Now, with the distorted worldview, you spoil your relationship. Besides, your feelings towards your partner’s needs will breed inferior feelings in you, and you weigh your partner’s needs less than you.

Even, little alteration in behavior won’t puzzle out the problem. Since, changing your behavior, and avoiding certain topics or complex situations rarely remodels your mental state.

So, to stop fooling yourself and breaking your mental boundaries, you should question that either you possess any superiority over the people nearby you. This question will clear your distorted worldview so that you can help others.

With this, you can see people as equally as you with their own desires and needs. It also helps you to validate their urge, instead of thinking about them as objects.

Now, once you recognize your first instinct, which is to help others, and act upon it. You make it easier to deal with other people around you.

Moreover, you should watch your instincts as this’ll prevent you to entered in self-deceived mode, in case some people trigger it.

Remember, self-deception isn’t about what you do, but the emotions behind you doing. Therefore, it’s a good idea to keep track of your feelings and emotions.

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Lesson: C – Self-deception spread like a virus and strengthen self-deception in others

You seldom act individually at work or at home which conveys that communicating with others is a valuable part of your life. So, whenever you’re deceiving yourself, you’re not only influencing yourself but also influencing the people around you. It indicates that self-deception is contagious.

So, when you mentally border yourself, you naturally blame others which evokes others feeling that you’re treating them fairly. With this, they start to highlights your errors as well and equally blame you for everything. With this behavior, they become self-deceived too.

With this demeanor, they’re self-deceiving themselves too, as self-deception is like an infection that transmits from one person to another through contact.

Favorite Quote From the book:

Favorite Quote From Leadership and Self Deception Book by Arbinger Institute

Leadership and Self Deception Review

The book, Leadership and Self-Deception explains the analogy of “being in the box and getting out of it” which indicates the mental boundary you draw to protect yourself from the world.

When you are “in the box”, you see others in a distorted way and think of them as merely an object. Then, you manipulate people for your own purpose.

The book reminds you to treat others with great care instead of selfishly considering yourself first.

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