Giving a less Fuck about Yourself.
The Subtle art of not giving a fuck teach you that not to give fuck about yourself and the things around you.
It forces you not to care about anything except your actions.
Because the culture you’re in, focus on the positive side, be happy, healthy, smart, funny, rich, popular and productive. But the thinking work in the opposite way.
Because it re-direct your mind to focus on what you don’t have. Plus, it threatens you the skills you don’t have.
Example: a. You’re learning the best way to make money because you think you don’t have enough money.
b. You repeat affirmations saying you’re beautiful because you think you’re not.
c. You learn about dating and relationship advice because you think you’re not lovable.
A confident man doesn’t need approval that he’s confident.
If you’re dreaming to have something, then you’re also reinforcing the fact that you didn’t have it right now.
Develop an art to settle in less.
The problem is the world is constantly telling you that more is better. Buy more, own more, make more, and be more.
But the untold truth is, more is bad for your mental health.
To live a good life, you need to chase less. Chase only the thing that is truly important to you. Because the more you think to feel better all the time, the less satisfied you’ll become.
If you’re chasing the money to become rich. You’re also strengthing the fact, you lack it, in the first place. And the desperately you want to become rich, the poor and unworthy you’ll feel, no matter how much money you make.
Now you might think, if you didn’t care about it you’ll never achieve it. But, the truth is, if you care less for something, you perform better at it.
Suffering is necessary for Subtle Growth in life.
Suffering is necessary for your growth. Because the pain you feel in the gym result in better health.
The failure in business helps you to learn the basic lesson to run the business. And teach you what is necessary for your business.
Suffering through your fear and anxiety will help you to open up with insecurities. And make you a confident person.
Because anything worthwhile in life can only achieve when you surround yourself with negative experiences.
But when you try to avoid it.
You’ll increase the chances of suffering because avoidance of suffering is another form of suffering.
You should care about something.
The rule is to focus on actions and don’t care about anything else’s. But, you need to care about something in your life. As it’s a part of your biology. And, it’s also not possible, that you didn’t care about anything.
Then, the question is what you need to focus on and what you need to leave?
For this, you need to learn the art of prioritizing your thoughts. And choose the correct thoughts that matter to you.
However, it takes time, patience, and practice to discipline yourself to choose the right thought.
And if you find yourself you care about trivial things. Then the chances are you didn’t have any significant thing to do.
As I said, you should care about something. Otherwise, your mind will begin to focus on trivial things.
It’s important to do something meaningful. So you can use your time and energy effectively. Either you realize it or not but you always care about something.
The subtle art of not giving a fuck helps you to think better by choosing the significant thing to do and omit the unimportant.
Pursuing the false happiness.
Happiness is not an equation to solve. But, you’ll not always be happy.
Because irritation and anxiety are also part of human nature. You might hate the pain. But it’s a necessary component for creating happiness.
The pain you hate is necessary. It teaches you to pay attention when you’re young. So when you touch the hot stove you’ll feel pain, the pain you feel teaches you not to touch the stove when it’s hot.
Hence, it’s always not good to avoid pain.
Like physical pain, psychological pain is necessary to exceed your limits. Sometimes experiencing psychological and emotional pain can be healthy and necessary.
What is psychological and emotional pain?
Pain teaches to avoid making the same mistake again. You might think to live problems free life. But, problems never stop.
Problems will knock the door continuously. Because when you solve your problem, you’ll create another problem.
Example: You solve your health problem. You buy a gym membership for a year. And now, you create another problem to get up early, go to gym even if it is chilling outside.
Problems never vanish, but it gets exchange. And the hidden truth is happiness comes from solving problems. However, if you feel that you can’t solve your problems. Then, you are making your life miserable.
To become cheerful, you need to solve problems. And the solution to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems.
Ignoring problems can deepen your wound.
You might believe that you didn’t have any problems, and you may even believe that you can’t solve it.
However, your thinking will give you only a short team pleasure. In the long run, it’ll create anger and helplessness.
You might deny problems because it’s easy, however, the solving problem is hard and time-consuming. But, if you continuously avoid the problem, then painful it’ll become.
The Pain of touching a hot stove teaches you not to repeat the same mistake again. Likewise, sadness of being alone will teach you not to do things that make you feel alone again.
Emotions are the biological signals that help you for beneficial change. Emotions are part of life. But, it doesn’t mean if something feels good it’s good. And if something feels bad it’s bad.
Emotions are only suggestions that neurobiological give you, not command you. Hence, you shouldn’t always trust your emotions.
Many people train to cover-up negative emotions. But deny of emotions is to deny the feedback. And without the proper feedback, you won’t solve more problems.
You are desperate to have more.
You should know this, the expensive toys that make you happy today, won’t make you happy tomorrow. And, tomorrow you’ll demand something more expensive to bring happiness.
Everything comes with a sacrifice. Happiness requires struggle. Real fulfillment and meaning of life come from when you choose your struggle and continue to work at it.
Now the question is, what pain do you want to suffer. Your pain decides the skills you want to grow.
Your success doesn’t define by what you choose to enjoy. But it defines by the pain you choose to suffer.
You’ve to choose something to suffer. Because you can’t live problems free life. Pain is what makes you separate from others.
The power of Adversity and failure.
Adversity and failure are useful, as it helps you to develops a strong mindset.
You can’t measure self-worth on how you feel in a positive situation. But it measures how you feel in a negative situation.
A person with high self-worth can easily look at his negative part of the character. And work on to improve it. But a few people can acknowledge problems honestly. Hence, only a very few are capable of improving life.
The truth is, if you have a problem, the chances are millions of others also face the same problems.
Some of you already face the problem while some are facing it right now. And some will face the problem in the future. The concept is the realization that you and your problems aren’t special.
You are like other in most thing you do.
You’re average in the majority of skills. Even if, you’re an expert at one thing, then the chances are you’ll be average at other things.
To polish your skills, you need to dedicate hours of practice to improve it. And because everyone has a limited amount of time and energy. So you’ll not acquire an excellent level of skills in every field.
To achieve mastery, you first need to acknowledge that you’ve mediocre and average skills. Once you’re aware of your weaknesses, you can subtle work to hone it. You can make a plan, set goals to hone your talent.
On the road to master your skills. You may meet stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety will make you feel inadequate. But constant improvement can fly this feeling. Once you accept where you are, you can start improving your life.
You will also learn how to appreciate small things in life like reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about, helping a person in need, and the pleasure of simple friendship.
All these things might sound tedious to you. But, ordinary things can actually bring a curve of smile on your face.
Self-Awareness, choosing your values.
Self-awareness has a different layer and each layer contributes to your personality.
1. Understanding your Emotions.
2. Questions your Emotions.
3. Personal Values.
Understanding your Emotions is to observe your emotions and think how you feel them. The step requires practice, to master your emotions.
It means how you feel emotions like happiness and sorrow. Once you figure out how you feel certain emotions you can go to the next step.
The next step is to question your emotions. In this, you need to figure out, why you feel these emotions.
Example: On a random rainy day, two people can think two different emotions. The first guy may feel, free car wash as well as good for plants. However, another guy may feel the day is going to be lousy.
Questions are significant as it defines how you consider sorrow and happiness.
Once you understand the root cause of emotions that overwhelm you. You can do something to change it.
Now the last layer is personal values.
In this, you’ll learn how you consider success and failure.
The step defines the nature of your problems. And the problem of your life defines the quality of life. Your values are the foundation of everything you do.
You might have poor value like material success, always begin the center of attention, not being alone, being liked by everybody, always being right, staying positive.
The truth is great moments of life is always not positive, not known, and even not pleasant. The list of healthy values: honesty, innovation, standing up for oneself, self-respect, creativity, and charity.
You can see healthy values can achieve internally. And even controllable. Good values help you to engage with the world.
The quality of life depend on how you Filter an event.
It’s always up to you, how you see various situations and interpret events. You can’t control what will happen. But you can choose how you interpret the event. Your problem can be painful or powerful depending upon how you interpret it.
When you feel you have the power to choose your problem, you’ll feel empowered.
But when someone forces the problem to you, you begin to feel miserable. And if you’re feeling miserable, then the chances are some part of the problem is outside of your control.
Taking responsibility feels like you are at fault. But don’t hesitate to take responsibility. As responsibility helps you to improve your life.
Growth, the endless road to travel.
Growth is an endless process, so when you’re learning something new you’ll not become the master of the skill.
However, you’ll move ahead from wrong to slightly less wrong. And then the next time you’ll make slightly less and less mistakes. And when you learn something new, you’ll become a little better.
In some situations, you think that this’s the right decision. But sometimes right is also not the right. As you and I come from different backgrounds. You’ll come to a different solution than I.
Elusion of Positivity and Negativity.
You don’t know what is positive and negative experience was.
Because some of the stressful moment might end up with constructive and motivating. While some of the best and pleasant experience will end up with distracting and de-motivating.
So the conclusion is don’t trust positive and negative experiences. Your brain helps you to control and understand the environment. Everything you experience internally or externally, generate a new connection in your mind.
Brain, the Meaning Generating Machine.
As your brain is a machine. It’ll generate meaning when it associates two different experiences. When you make meaning of two or more events. Then, the brain will stick to meaning.
And even you don’t want to let it go. It happens because the brain is imperfect. And the belives you make are wrong.
The truth about Believes.
Your belives are wrong. Some belives are less wrong than others. Your mind makes mistake and you must accept it.
The brain design to make sense of everything. The outcome of anything will depend upon your belives. When you enter a new piece of information in your mind. Then the mind will make sense based on the believes you already have.
The bottom line is to trust your intention. As the heart and mind are unreliable. Instead of thinking positively all the time, you should look why you’re wrong. Because this will open up the opportunities to grow yourself.
The Road to uncertainty.
Uncertainty encourages you to grow. You’ll only grow when you accept the fact that you’re not perfect, right now. And if you think you know everything then you’ll not learn anything.
When you admit, you’ll attract opportunities to learn something new. But before you go to change your value. You must have to become uncertain about your current values. As your brain is a program to maintain and protect your values.
To Excel in any field you need to spend hours to practice.
To improve in any skill, you need to go through thousands of tiny failures. And the rate of your success depends upon how many times you failed. If someone is better than you at something then surely he fails more times than you. And if someone is worse than you. It’s because he fails less time than you.
Do not Avoid your failure.
Avoiding failure you learn at later point in life.
Because a new-born kid will never think, I’m unable to walk. It might be not for me. But he tries until he succeeds.
You’ll reach an age in life where you afraid to fail. Because your instinct won’t allow you to fail and force you to stick with the skills you already have.
But to become truly exceptional and acquire extraordinary skills. You should willing to fail. Once you are willing to fail, then only you can succeed.
Your character is define by what you choose to reject.
You need to reject something in life, otherwise, you’ll stand for nothing. Avoidance of rejection will give you short-term pleasure but in the long-term, it would be dreadful.
When you spend years in your single relationship, craft, and profession. You’ll far better from others, plus you also feel an additional level of joy in your life.
However, you can’t achieve somethings until you spend 10,000 hours on it. To do that you need to neglect unnecessary activities. The act of choosing one value require to eliminate other values.
Rejection is necessary to grow. And it helps you to make your identity.
healthy and unhealthy love.
The two kinds of love: healthy and unhealthy love.
Unhealthy love is when a couple uses each other emotions to escape from problems. While healthy love is when a couple acknowledges problems and support each other. But, each partner doesn’t try to solve another partner problem.
Two Trap of Relationship.
You should prevent yourself to fall into this trap. Imagine a couple, Alexander and Aimee. Alexander and Aimee should not take responsibility for their partner problems and even don’t hope for it.
It’s not only for a romantic relationship but also for the family and friend relationship. You shouldn’t try to solve the partner problem. Because it’ll not make your partner feel happy.
Likewise, your partner shouldn’t solve your problems. But you should support each other, not because you have to but you choose to.
In a healthy relationship, a couple should create an understanding in which both people can say no and hear no without negotiation.
Make a Commitment to do one thing.
Commitment gives you the freedom to stick with one person, place, culture, as well as profession. It helps you to concentrate on the significant, and refuse all.
It makes decision making easier and takes away the fear of missing anything.
As when you need to prefer between two places. You’ll choose the one and feel comfortable.
But when you have a choice to choose between ten places. You’ll begin to doubt yourself as either you’re making the correct choice or not.
At Last: Here are my favorite Quotes from this book.
- Life is essentially an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of another. ― Mark Manson.
- To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action. ― Mark Manson.
- This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. ― Mark Manson.
- Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy. As. ― Mark Manson.
- Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change. Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth. ― Mark Manson.
I recommend the book to the person who gave f*ck about everything. The book is a little humorous which makes it easy to go through. It gives you a hilarious idea of living a life. And even give you the cold hard truth about life. The author gives you straightforward ways to rethink your thoughts about life. He makes you realize how insignificant you’re in this world.