Giving a less Fuck about Yourself.
The Subtle art of not giving a fuck teach you giving the less fuck about yourself and the things around you. It urge you to not to care about anything except your actions. Because our culture focus on positive expectation, be happier, be healthier, be the best, be smart, be funny, be richer, be sexy, be more popular and more productive. But this thinking work in opposite way. It re-direct our mind to focus on what you do not have and what you lack.
Example: You are learning the best way to make money because you think you do not have enough knowledge.
You repeat affirmation saying you are beautiful because you feel you are not already.
You learn about dating and relationship advice because you feel you are not lovable.
The thinking only remind you what you do not have. Because a confidence man does not need approval that he is confidence. If you are dreaming all the time, to have something, then you are also reinforcing the fact that you do not have it, in the first place.
More and More is not better.
The problem is world is constantly telling you that more and more is better buy more, own more, make more, and be more. But more is bad for your mental health. It causes you to attach to many things. The key for good life is to chase less and less and only thing that is truly important. The more you peruse yourself for feeling better all the time, the less satisfy you will become.
Perusing something only strength the fact, you lack something in the first place. Likewise, the more desperate you want to become rich, the poor and unworthy you feel, no matter how much money you make. Now you might think, if you did not care about it you will never achieve it. But, the truth is, if you care less for something, you perform better at it.
Suffering is necessary for Subtle Growth in life.
The pain you pursue in the gym result in the better, health and energy. The failure in business will help you to understand of what is necessary to become successful. Once you open up with the insecurities you have, you will become confident around other.
Suffering through your fear and anxiety will help you to build courage. Anything worth while in life, can achieve when you surround yourself with negative experience. When you try to avoid it. You will only increase the suffering because avoidance of suffering is another form of suffering.
You should care about something.
The rule is to focus on your action and not to care about many things. You need to learn the art of prioritize your thought and how to choose your thought on what matter to you . However, it takes time to practice and discipline to choose right thought. It is also not possible to not to care about something. You must care about something. As it a part of your biology. Then, the question is what do you care about? And what you leave that ultimately does not matter to you.
If you find yourself, you care about to much on trivial things. Then, the chances are you do not have anything important things to do. When you do not have any problem. Your mind will find one. It is important for you to find something meaningful. So you can use your time and energy effectively. Either you realize it or not but you always care about something.
The subtle art of not giving a fuck is helps you to think better by choosing the important thing to do in life and removing the unimportant.
Chasing the false happiness.
Happiness is not an equation to solve. Dissatisfaction and unease are the part of human nature, and necessary component to create happiness.
The pain you hate is useful. It teaches you when to pay attention when you are young. It helps you to differentiate between good and bad, and teaches you not to touch stove when it is hot. Hence, it is not always good to avoid pain. Like physical pain, psychological pain is necessary to exceed your limitation. Sometimes experiencing psychological and emotional pain can be healthy and necessary. As it educates you how to avoid making the same mistake again.
You might become inherently happy with the thought of problem free life. But, problems never stop. Problems will knock the door continuously. Because when you solve your health problem; buy a gym membership for a year.
You create another problem to get up early, go to gym, and do an intense workout. Problems never resolved, but it gets exchange. Happiness comes from solving problem. And if you feel you have problem, that you cannot solve. Then, you are making your life miserable. To become happy, you need to solve problem. And the solution of today problem will lay the foundation for tomorrow problem.
Deny of Problems.
Some of you belief, you do not have problems. And even some belief that they cannot do anything about problems. But both the assumption will make you feel better for a short term. In long term it will leads you to anger and helplessness. The reason people deny and blame problems because it is easy and feel good while solving problem is hard and feel bad.
You do not want to feel the pain of your problem but the longer you avoid the more painful it will become. Pain of touching a hot stove teaches you to not to touch it again. Likewise, the sadness of being alone will teach you not to do things that makes you feel alone again.
Emotional are the biological signals that helps you for the beneficial change. Emotions are part of life. But, it does not mean if something feels good it is good. And if something feels bad it is bad. Emotions are suggestion that neurobiological give you, not commend you. Hence, you should not always trust your emotions.
Many people train to suppress negative emotions. But deny of one negative emotions is to deny the feedback. Without feedback you will not solve more problems. As a result, people struggle to deal with problems throughout their life. And if you cannot solve problem, you cannot be happy.
You want more and more.
Here is a catch what makes you happy today, will not makes you happy tomorrow. Because you will always need something more. Happiness is a never ending race.
Everything comes with a sacrifice. What makes you feel good today, will bring the unhappiness tomorrow. So the question is. What constant pain you want to suffer. The area of pain will define the area of your growth. Happiness requires struggle and it grows from problems.
Real fulfillment and meaning comes in life when you choose your struggle and continue to work at. Your success do not define by what you choose to enjoy? But, it defines by the pain you choose to suffer, long enough to gain the mastery. You have to choose something. Because you cannot live problems free life. Pain is what makes you separate from other.
The power of Adversity and failure.
Adversity and failure are useful, it develops a strong mind and successful adult. Self-worth is not measure on how you feel in positive experience but it measures on how you feel in negative experience.
A person with high self-worth can look at his negative part of his character frankly; and act to improve on it. But a few people can acknowledge problems honestly. Hence, capable of subtle improving the life.
The truth is, if you have a problem, the chances are millions of other also pass by the same situation. Some of you already face the problem while some facing it right now and some will face it in the future. The concept is the realization that you and your problems are not special.
You are like other in most thing you do.
Most of you are average at most thing you do. Even if, you are expert at one thing, than the chances are you will be average at other things. It is a nature of life.
To acquire excellence level of skills at something. You have to dedicate hours of practice to improve it. And because everyone has a limited amount of time and energy. So you will not acquire excellence skills in every area of life.
Some people are truly exceptional at something because they are obsessed with improvement. These people acquire mastery because they know they are mediocre and average. They are aware of their weakness and subtle work to improve on it.
Stress and anxiety will always make you feel inadequate. But constant improvement can fly this feeling. Once you accept where you are, you can start improving your life.
On the road of improvement, you will learn how to appreciate on basic thing in life-like reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about, helping a person in need, and the pleasure of simple friendship. All these things might sound tedious to you. But, these ordinary things actually matter.
Self-Awareness, choosing your values.
Self-awareness is like an onion. It has a different layer and each layer contribute to your personality. The first layer is to understanding your emotions. The second layer is to question your emotion. And the third layer is of personal values.
Understanding your emotions mean, how you feel certain emotion like happiness and sorrow. This steps requires practice to understand your emotions.
Once you understand when you feel certain emotion. The next step is to question your emotion. Why you feel them? It is a difficult part and can take months to answer. These questions are important as it defines how you consider success and failure. This layer helps you to understand root cause of emotion that overwhelms you. Once you reach the root, you can do something to change it. But, if you are unable to answer questions you will not know your deeper values. Self-questioning is a difficult job to do.
Now the last layer is personal values. In this, you will learn what you consider for success and failure. You will also learn how you judge yourself and everyone around you. This steps define the nature of your problems. And the problem of your life define the quality of life. Your values are the foundation of everything you do. If you have false values, then what you consider for success and failure is poorly chosen.
List of common poor values material success, feeling good all the time, always begin the center of attention, not being alone, being like by everybody, always being right, staying positive. The truth is some of the great moment of life is not positive , not known, not successful, and not pleasant. The list of good and healthy values honesty, innovation, standing up for oneself, self-respect, creativity, and charity.
You can see good and healthy value can achieve internally. Good values are even controllable and help you to engage with the world. However, bad values rely on the external events.
It is all about prioritizing your values. Everybody will love to become center of attention. The question is how you prioritize your values, above everything else and therefore, influence your decision making.
The quality of life depend on how you Filter an event.
It is always up to you, how you see situation and interpret the event. Your problem can be painful or powerful depending upon how you interpret it.
When you feel you have the power to choose your problem, you will feel empower. But when the problem being force to you, you begin to feel miserable. And if you feel miserable. Then, there are chances , that some part of your problem is outside of your control. And you have no ability to solve it.
You cannot control what will happen to you. But you can choose how you interpret the event. You are choosing either you realize it or not. Taking responsibility might feel like you are at fault. But do not hesitate to take responsibility. Because it is the art of improvement. You are choosing in every moment of every day.
You are wrong at most of the thing.
Growth is an endless process, when you learn something new, you will become little better. It does not mean, you will move from wrong to right. But the next time, you will make slightly less mistake. And then wrong to slightly less and less wrong.
You might think in some circumstance that this is a right thing to do. But sometimes right is also not the right thing to do. As you and I come from different background. And have different history and circumstances. You will come to different correct answer than I.
Here is a catch. You do not know what is positive and negative experience was. Because some of difficult stressful moment might end up with constructive and motivating. While some of the best and gratifying experience will end up with distracting and de-motivating. So the conclusion is do not trust positive and negative experience.
Your brain helps you to control and understand the environment. Everything you experience internal or external, generate a new connection in your mind. As our brain is a machine. It will generate meaning when it associates between two or more experience.
When you make meaning of two or more events. Then, the brain will stick to the meaning. And then you do not want to let it go. It happens because the brain is imperfect. Most of the belief you make are wrong. Even all the beliefs are wrong. Some are less wrong than other. Human mind makes mistake and it is important to accept it. Brian is design to make sense of everything. The outcome of any circumstance will base on believes. Every new piece of information, you put in your mind will measure against values you already have.
The bottom line is to trust yourself less. As if your heart and mind are so unreliable then you should question your own intention. Instead of looking right all the times, you should look for why you are wrong. As it opens up the possibility to change. Being wrong bring the opportunities to subtle grow.
The Road to uncertainty.
Uncertainty is the root to progress and growth. Because a girl who belief. She knows everything, will learn nothing. But, when she admit, she does not know something. The more opportunities will reach to her to learn something new.
Before she go to change her values. She becomes uncertain with the currents values because her brain is wire to protect values and try to maintain them. Even she does not want to do it.
Questioning your thoughts and belief is the hard skills to develop. But you can do this by questioning yourself.
- What will happen if I am wrong?
- If I am wrong, then I create a better and worse problem then I already have?
Excel in any field require hours of practice.
Improvement in anything require thousands of tiny failure. And your success is depend upon how many times you fail at something. If someone is better than you at something then surely she fails more times than you. And if someone is worse than you. It is because she fails less time than you and have less learning experience.
Avoiding failure you learn in later point in life. Because a new-born kid will never think, I am unable to walk. It might be not for me. But he try until he succeed. You will receive a place in life, where you afraid to fail. Because your instinct will not allow you to fail and force you to stick with the skills you already good at. But to become truly successful. You should willing to fail. Once you are unwilling to fail, then only you can succeed.
A fear of failure also comes from choosing bad values. Bad values urge you to buy a luxurious house and nice car. But, chasing external goals make you feel empty and helpless. Because once you achieve, there is no more problems to solve.
Better value help you to express honesty. Honesty is a value that never completely finished. Every new relationship, conversation, bring the challenges for honest expression. Subtle Growth generates happiness that does not come from random achievement.
Necessary Pain to grow in life.
Fear, anxiety and sadness is not always unhelpful state of mind. As these stand for necessary pain and psychological growth. Like one must suffer physical pain to build strong body and muscles. One must suffer emotional pain to develop great emotional resilience.
Pain is a part of the success. And it is important to walk the road of pain. Because if you continue to put yourself in an illusion of positive thinking. You will not generate enough motivation to change. Learn to sustain pain. When you choose a new value. You are choosing a new type of pain. Relish it and taste it.
Your character is define by what you choose to reject.
You need to reject something in life, otherwise, you will stand for nothing. Avoidance of rejection will give you short-term pleasure but in long-term it would be dreadful.
When you spend years in your single relationship, craft, and career. You will feel a level of joy in your life. And your cannot achieve those achievement without neglecting other values. The act of choosing one value require to eliminating other values. The rejection is the necessary part of the life. And therefore if is your identify. And it will define you by what you choose to reject.
healthy and unhealthy love.
The two kinds of love: healthy and unhealthy love. Unhealthy love is when two people use each other emotion to escape from problems. While healthy love is when two people acknowledge their problem and support each other. But not to solve each other problems.
People fall in two trap of relationship. Either they hope the partner to take responsibility for problems or they take too much responsibility for partner problems. This is not only for romantic relationship but also for the family and friend relationship.
You should not try to solve partner problems. Because it will not make her happy. Likewise, your partner should not solve your problems because It will not make you happy. However, you should support each other, not because you have to but you choose to.
In healthy relation both people should be willing to say no and hear no. Without negotiation. It two people will not able to harsh out the difference openly then the relationship will slowly become toxic.
Commit to One thing.
Commitment gives you the freedom to stick with one person, one place, and one culture. It helps you to reject all the unimportant. And to choose the very best people, experience, and values in your life. Commitment gives you focus to do what is most important to do. It makes decision making easier and remove the fear of missing anything.
When you have option to choose between two place. You will choose the one and feel confident and comfortable. But when you have a choice to choose between ten places. Then you will doubting and guessing, either you make a right choice or not.
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